Meet my "Mei-Mei".
That's my baby sister.
My pretend baby sister.
I love her SOOOO much.
(Atleast while she's still just an inanimate plastic dolly.)
We took Zozie to the "Sibling Hospital Class" yesterday.
The class where you walk in and see pairs of expectant parents gazing anxiously at their older toddler and accessing their "handling" of their assigned plastic sibling, shrouded in various baby blankets.
Do they seem jealous? Happy? Indifferent?
Upon visiting the Labor & Delivery room, the children were captivated by the "robot bed" that elevated the mother to a seated position. They looked around, bounced on the pullout sofa bed next to the window and was ready to move on to the NICU, hoping to see a real newborn.
Meanwhile, I'm still staring.
My mind flashing backwards and not knowing what's forward. Even with the nice warm wood tones, comfy paint colors, and home-like surroundings (as much as can be with all the medical equipment trying to hide), I looked at the metal bed rails and remember the cool steel in my 2 hands while I clutched through another "birthing wave". I was about to go through another transformation soon. The taste and smell of that state of being is coming back. Or maybe never left. But just not acknowledged again, until now.
As we shuffle our way down the hall, some excitement is building...voices of children go from murmurs to squeaks. We all see something, yeeping softly under a glowing indigo blue lamp...a REAL baby.
My gosh...those things are small. Just tiny. Yet, I feel my ever present belly for a second, and oh man, I feel just enormous. Not sure if I wouldn't explode if I sneezed too hard.
"Is that a REAL baby, mama?"
"Yes, Zozie. It is..."
We both stared.
Like Zo 4 yrs ago, this little guy is being remedied from a case of newborn jaundice. I remember sunning Zozie in our stairwell at home, not being quite sure if his bout of jaundice was just due to the fact that he was half Chinese. I went along with the plan and turned my little baking Buddha every 5 mins in the stairwell. Sure enough, with in 1.5 weeks, he's complexion became creamy butter korma, sans the curry powder. This particular goggle-sporting little man will be just fine too, and we thanked him for showing us his bravery in these first few days of life.
But, Zozie just stared and stared.
So many pretend senarios of a new baby sister.
So many imagined conversations.
So many make-believe interactions.
I can see he's finally getting it.
It was a day of staring.
I find in silence observation, one grows.
Cut the noise, just stare, and see.
A new life is about to bloom before us.
The three of us, just staring together.